sexygothchick89

Ok so i think im finally happy and can actually see myself with this one for a while, just the way we are together and the way he makes me feel, i love it. the bad thing is i cant spend enough time with him so im alwayz missing him, that might be a good thing though. im soo happy with him i honestly think this is the happiest ive been with any of my boyfriends. i love the way he shows his affection towards me and the way we talk/mess around with each other, the concerts are always fun, and the little cute things he does. i love him with all my heart and i know that will never change no matter what.

one day there waz this boy who meet this girl threw a friend. the boy and girl talked for a mounth or so. one day the girl wanted to meet the boy so he gave her his house address and told her to come over. when the girl whent there the boy waz stund by her beauty. they hung for acuple houres and they had a blast. well they did this for acupple weeks.
the boy wanted to be with this girl badly, but he had a girl friend. well he tryed his hardest not to do things with this girl, but he liked her to much, and the girl liked him alot to. they ended up doing things anyhow. one day the boy asked the gril if shed be interested to go to a consert. the girl said sure.
they went to the consert and had a great time. well she took the boy home with his friends. well the boy still wanted to be with this girl but now alot more, but he still couldnt cuz he had a g/f.
one day the girl and the boy had sex. after they had sex and the girl drove him home, the boy fealt like shit cuz he couldnt be with the girl and he couldnt have her cuz of his g/f. they had sex agen 2 days after and the boy fealt worse.
spring brake came, and the boy just got dumped by his g/f and he just wanted to die. the girl didnt get to see him that day or that week and he wanted to ask her out, but never got the chance. well one day came and he didnt have the motavation to ask the girl out so he wanted to kick himself in the ass for that one.
well a mounth or 2 passed and the boy waz back with his g/f. the girl waz pissed, but she just let is go. well acupple days pass and the boy and the girl found out that the boy waz single. the boy couldnt ask the girl out cuz he had to much shit on his head to do anything. the girl asked the boy to her prom. they went.... they had a awsome time and everything, but little did the gril no that the boy waz with his ex. they went and had sex in there "spot" (lol).
the next day the boy and the girl waz going to another consert, well the boy told the girl that he waz back with his girl. she hated it and waz pissed. they were going to the consert and the girl wanted nothing to do with the boy. the boy started to shak violently, yet no one cared except his friend.
they got to the consert and she talked to him for a while. the boy waz almost inlove with the girl and the girl felt the same way, but the boy didnt no that and the girl didnt no that about the boy eather. well the boy just wanted to leave everyones life and kill himself, but acupple friends wouldnt let him and the boy thought that the girl wouldnt care anyhow so he wanted to.
the girl yelled at the boy and the boy just stood there. the girl asked the boy "y?" and the boy told her but his answer waznt good enuff. after 3-3 1/2 houres the boy and girl were fine. well the boy found out that the girl almost loved him, and the girl found out that the boy almost loved her and found out that shes dating somone. well they both sat down and figured out a way to dump there g/f and b/f. they left the consert and the boy couldnt figure out y this girl would want him, he aint shit compaired to other guys and shit, but he kept it to himself. the boy waz droped off and he still feals like hes almost inlove....... but hed rather be inlove with the girl.
??guess who the ppl r in this story??
My Response:
i dont even kno wat to say, im just at a loss for words, i hope very soon you will make the decision to be in love with me, im really sry about the way i reacted yesterday i waz thinkin bout it last ngt and i shouldnt of reacted that way i kinda overreacted i should of talked to you when we were at my house, but i was just really hurt because in all honesty i waz really thinkin about it last night and i kno now that i do love you b/c if i didnt i wouldnt of been that hurt, because the last time i felt like that was probably when all that shitz between me and sean went down. based on my feelings in last relationship is basically how i made sure my feelings for you, because i didnt think i could ever like someone let alone again love them the way i loved him, but then i met you and it waz like instant, i waz basically instantly attractd to you and i still cant figure out exactly why, its just the way you are i guess idk how to explain it. thats wat i waz tellin nancy, tim, tara, and ashley, because thats why i flipped out on tara when i saw here dancing with you. it just made matters worse and me get more upset. well i dont really know what else to say, i basically just poured my heart out for/to you and im really glad everyone waz there last ngt for you sake and mine, because i really didnt want you to do anything stupid i would miss you way too much. ill ttyl. i really do love you byez

why the fuck is it so difficult for him to come home see me for a couple hours then me go out with my cuz. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH wtf seriously. ok so i asked him if he was coming home and he spazed b/c i told him i was spending time with my cuz this weekend and he said then im not coming home because im not sitting at home with my parents all night. i told him i'd spend all day with him then go out with my cuz for 2 or 3 hr and spend more time with him. but no he has to say he's not coming home because he's not sitting at home blah blah blah ahhhhhhhhh, why the fuck does he have to be so difficult. i wanna see him this weekend, ive been blowing off my cuz for a while and i finally find a weekend im free other than seeing nathan and he makes a big deal about it ahhhhhh. i dont know i deleted the messenge or i'd post it in here but i was pissed and wasnt thinking and i doubt he'll send it to me. anyways this is all just bitching if im repetitive im sry. im pissed off in general very mixed emotions right now. anyways on a good note i forgot to tell you. us cheerleaders went to a sterling invitational thing to get criticed and we had first place in first:leadership and second:creativity rounds. even though candaces stunts fell it turned out really good so im very excited for regionals and states. ttyl

i hate this. i like goin to dances and nathan absolutly cant stand it. i gave up my sadies dance for him. b/c i say how it was to big of a social situation and sam was driving him insane. she was being a bitch. Sara had her i ditched my date shirt on that was great lol. i heard ian was all pissed lol. hahah. anyways. not i was joking wiht kevin on myspace, he said he was 19 on there i told him he wasnt. then he said he wished he was. and i said well me too so suck it up, and i said something about and i cant wait till im 18 or 21 so i can drink and go clubbing. then nathan said he would break up with me if i started to go clubbing and we kinda fighting about that now. idk ahhhhh. heres some of our messenge this is what frustrates me he says somethings wrong then wont tell me what it is anyways here: well, im really irritated right now. so yea. whatever.
Hottiehi1015 [1:37 PM]: why whats the matter
Cyanide A5 [1:37 PM]: nothing.
Hottiehi1015 [1:37 PM]: i hate when you do that
Cyanide A5 [1:38 PM]: i hate a lot of stuff.
Hottiehi1015 [1:39 PM]: yea, well i dont know why even bother telling me if your not gonna tell me what wrong
Cyanide A5 [1:39 PM]: you asked why i said whatever.
Cyanide A5 [1:39 PM]: i told you.
Hottiehi1015 [1:40 PM]: yea but you dont tell me what you irritated about
Cyanide A5 [1:42 PM]: because i dont wanna start an arguement.
Hottiehi1015 [1:42 PM]: im sure its not gonna start an arguement
Cyanide A5 [1:42 PM]: i am.
Hottiehi1015 [1:42 PM]: about what
Cyanide A5 [1:43 PM]: nothing!
Hottiehi1015 [1:43 PM]: ok fine w/e im gonna go do hw
Hottiehi1015 [1:43 PM]: i doubt ill be on later
Cyanide A5 [1:45 PM]: alright.
Cyanide A5 [1:45 PM]: whatever.
Cyanide A5 [1:45 PM]: O.o
Hottiehi1015 [1:46 PM]: what
Hottiehi1015 [1:46 PM]: do you want me to stay on and we'll talk about whatever irritating you
Cyanide A5 [1:49 PM]: no
Cyanide A5 [1:49 PM]: bye
Hottiehi1015 [1:50 PM]: fine bye i love you
he's being an asshole is he not. i hate guys sometimes. but im gonna deal with him b/c i love him and mine and his relationship is NOT goin to turn out like mine and seans. fuck that i care about him too much. well ill ttyl

This was when we decided to talk about my blogs.
[21:20] Cyanide A5: i have nothing bad to say anyway
[21:20] Cyanide A5: so, i dont know what your worried about
[21:21] Cyanide A5: ok.. whatever.. i'll just start...
[21:21] Ashlee: ok
[21:21] Ashlee: hold on my m om
[21:21] Cyanide A5: alright
[21:22] Cyanide A5: ?
[21:22] Ashlee: ok
[21:23] Cyanide A5: alright...
[21:24] Cyanide A5: well. i know how you feel... and well, i do love you... but its wierd because its unlike the love i had with say.. alicia.
[21:24] Cyanide A5: its a lot less... extreme
[21:24] Cyanide A5: which is a good thing
[21:24] Cyanide A5: because i tend to get obsessed.. and it does nothing but hurt me
[21:25] Ashlee: how do you get obsessed
[21:25] Cyanide A5: i dont know.. its like every aspect of my life starts revolving around the girl... and then it ends up hurting me to no end
[21:26] Cyanide A5: but with you, its more mature.. a lot less uncontrolled than before
[21:26] Ashlee: i know how you feel about the aspect of life thing, and your right it does end up hurting in the end
[21:27] Ashlee: wut do you mean by more mature and uncontrolled
[21:28] Cyanide A5: less uncontrolled...
[21:28] Cyanide A5: as in more controlled haha
[21:28] Ashlee: i know i just forgot less hold on let me tell my friend ill tther in a min
[21:29] Cyanide A5: because i can function and do every day things when im not with you
[21:29] Ashlee: ok
[21:29] Ashlee: you have my full attention
[21:29] Cyanide A5: haha
[21:29] Ashlee: oh ok
[21:29] Cyanide A5: i feel so privaleged.
[21:29] Ashlee: shut up
[21:29] Ashlee: smart ass
[21:29] Cyanide A5: hahah
[21:30] Ashlee: you always have my full attention especially when im around you
[21:30] Cyanide A5: i know that
[21:30] Ashlee: haha
[21:30] Cyanide A5: i dont know... i kinda hate being the way i am around you
[21:30] Cyanide A5: because i feel like an in-sensitive prick at the end of the day.[21:31] Ashlee: wth what do you mean
[21:31] Cyanide A5: like, how i make fun of you and i act like a hardass and stuff.
[21:31] Cyanide A5: i just wish it would stop haha
[21:32] Ashlee: oh please, your still cute, thats one of the reasons i like you, the way we play around like that, case you havent notice you always have me laughing
[21:32] Ashlee: just stop hitting my face, lol
[21:32] Cyanide A5: yea, i know, but it seems like im never serious around you.
[21:32] Cyanide A5: hahahah
[21:33] Ashlee: thats not necessarily a bad thing, define serious
[21:33] Cyanide A5: well, i mean i never really let you know how much you mean to me
[21:33] Cyanide A5: i just kinda make it seem like i dont need you
[21:34] Ashlee: no you dont, believe me you show me, just some of the little stuff you do
[21:34] Ashlee: i was actually talking about you today
[21:34] Cyanide A5: yea but thats just gay.
[21:34] Cyanide A5: ahah
[21:34] Cyanide A5: yea? to who?
[21:34] Ashlee: bek, and sara
[21:34] Ashlee: and jane
[21:34] Cyanide A5: about what?
[21:34] Ashlee: a/f school
[21:34] Ashlee: you
[21:35] Ashlee: some of the little cute things you do
[21:35] Cyanide A5: like what?
[21:35] Cyanide A5: i dont even notice hah
[21:35] Ashlee: like........
[21:35] Ashlee: nvm
[21:35] Cyanide A5: .. tell me please
[21:35] Ashlee: nope
[21:35] Ashlee: b/t me and the girls [21:36] Ashlee: little things that you dont think would matter but do
[21:36] Cyanide A5: yea, thats one thing that pisses me off.
[21:37] Cyanide A5: thats a completely unneccisary high school thing.
[21:37] Ashlee: what?
[21:39] Cyanide A5: keeping stuff between just girls
[21:39] Cyanide A5: what the hell is that?
[21:39] Cyanide A5: who cares?
[21:39] Cyanide A5: its just makes everyone else mad.
[21:39] Ashlee: just in case you havent noticed im sort of a romantic
[21:39] Ashlee: its just things that we share about something cute our guys did or do
[21:39] Cyanide A5: big deal
[21:40] Cyanide A5: or you can not tell me
[21:40] Cyanide A5: i guess thats fine
[21:40] Cyanide A5: because you know, i dont tell you stuff all the time because Its between us guys
[21:40] Ashlee: its just cute stuff you do, im not about to list everything cute you do
[21:42] Cyanide A5: ok, well the next time you make me sit in one spot becasue you wanna talk to your friend in private im just gonna get up and leave.
[21:42] Ashlee: i dont do that to you
[21:42] Cyanide A5: you did it twice.
[21:42] Ashlee: when
[21:42] Cyanide A5: at the bowling alley, and at the lock-in.
[21:43] Ashlee: i did it at the lockin b/c we were talking about the kid that was standing rgt there
[21:43] Cyanide A5: doesnt matter, you still did it.
[21:44] Ashlee: and i was talking about you at the bowling alley asking if she thought you were cute, and told her what sara said
[21:44] Ashlee: and she agreed
[21:44] Cyanide A5: sara said?
[21:44] Ashlee: that when im around you thats the happiest shes ever seen me
[21:44] Ashlee: aka shes said shes never seen me that happy
[21:45] Ashlee: thats that day we were on your bed and laying down really close facing each other
[21:45] Cyanide A5: oh yea
[21:45] Cyanide A5: that was cool.
[21:45] Ashlee: yea, well its true
[21:45] Cyanide A5: litening to hypnotize
[21:45] Cyanide A5: haha
[21:45] Ashlee: wow
[21:45] Cyanide A5: wow?
[21:45] Ashlee: wow as in like wow thats kinda random
[21:45] Cyanide A5: i remember everything...
[21:45] Cyanide A5: haha
[21:46] Ashlee: yea, ok
[21:46] Cyanide A5: i have the most photogenic memory ever.
[21:46] Ashlee: fun
[21:46] Cyanide A5: you dont beleive me?
[21:46] Cyanide A5: ask me anything about our times together and i garauntee i will remember it.
[21:47] Cyanide A5: as long as its not color or some stupid insignificant detail like what book was on some shelf we passed by in southland that one time
[21:47] Cyanide A5: but, i would probably remember that too if i looked at it haha
[21:48] Ashlee: do you remember what i said when you told me melissa was coming over that one tuesday, and dont go look up the convo on your thing either
[21:48] Cyanide A5: alright
[21:48] Ashlee: i win
[21:48] Ashlee: jk
[21:48] Ashlee: no i said something else too
[21:48] Ashlee: or was that in my mind nvr mind
[21:49] Ashlee: :-D
[21:49] Cyanide A5: yea, you told me later that you didnt want her to come over haha
[21:49] Cyanide A5: and that you were worried about us doing stuff
[21:49] Ashlee: yea, i told sara something else but nvr mind unless i was just saying it in my mind
[21:50] Ashlee: nvr
[21:50] Ashlee: mind [21:50] Cyanide A5: yea you never said anything to me
[21:50] Ashlee: ok nvr mind then
[21:50] Cyanide A5: wanna tell me now?
[21:50] Cyanide A5: heh, its probably a good thing melissa blew me off
[21:51] Cyanide A5: not just because of you
[21:51] Ashlee: no, why
[21:51] Cyanide A5: but because i could see myself being obsessed like before
[21:51] Cyanide A5: shes one of those girls that hurts thousands of guys without even trying
[21:52] Ashlee: yea and then i would have killed her and you so good thing she didnt come over
[21:52] Ashlee: i said some really bad/mean stuff to sara
[21:53] Ashlee: kinda fucked up too
[21:53] Cyanide A5: just say it please
[21:53] Cyanide A5: :_(
[21:53] Ashlee: no
[21:54] Cyanide A5: cmon baby..
[21:54] Cyanide A5: tell me
[21:54] Cyanide A5: or i will not come home this weekend.
[21:54] Ashlee: ill just send you the whole email thing i sent to the girls
[21:54] Ashlee: thats mean
[21:54] Ashlee: make me cry
[21:54] Cyanide A5: ok send it to m
[21:54] Cyanide A5: me
[21:54] Cyanide A5: i wont make you cry
[21:54] Ashlee: i have to email it whats your email thing
[21:55] Ashlee: your lucky i almost deleted it yesterday
[21:56] Cyanide A5: yea, i guess i am lucky.
[21:56] Ashlee: your probly gonna get mad though
[21:56] Ashlee: whats the email you want me to send it to
[21:57] Cyanide A5:
1. cyanidex@gmail.com
[21:57] Ashlee: k hold on
[22:00] Cyanide A5: holding.[22:00] Ashlee: you cant get mad
[22:03] Cyanide A5: i wont...
[22:03] Ashlee: ok
[22:03] Cyanide A5: did you say mean stuff about me?
[22:03] Ashlee: you should of got it by now, no just read it
[22:03] Cyanide A5: alright.
[22:06] Cyanide A5: hahahaha yea
[22:06] Cyanide A5: i never told her i was virgin, i just let her assume.
[22:06] Cyanide A5: just like i do everyone else.
[22:06] Cyanide A5: but, i guess everyone kinda knows now huh?
[22:06] Ashlee: probly
[22:07] Cyanide A5: thanks to you.
[22:07] Cyanide A5: >:-0
[22:07] Ashlee: oh well
[22:07] Ashlee: sry [22:07] Ashlee: you cant stay mad at me and you know it
[22:07] Cyanide A5: hahah i dont care anymore
[22:08] Ashlee: and about that whole thing you should really thank justin he's the one who actually got me to talk to you, cause i wasnt goin to until the next day
[22:09] Cyanide A5: yea, if you hadnt i might have dumped you.
[22:10] Ashlee: yea, well i was quit pissed and i really didnt care at the time, he really helped me
[22:11] Cyanide A5: yea, thats gay.
[22:11] Cyanide A5: fuck justin.
[22:12] Ashlee: well he helped, and im thankful
[22:12] Cyanide A5: im not
[22:12] Cyanide A5: i seriously dont give justin any credibility with anything
[22:13] Ashlee: i know but on that you really should
[22:13] Ashlee: i most likely would of just sat at the comp, argueing with my mom and crying looking at the whole messenge thing
[22:14] Cyanide A5: or you could have just listened to me because i have more credibility than some girl ive only been talking to for 4 weeks.
[22:15] Ashlee: i know that but it was just everything at once
[22:17] Cyanide A5: yea i guess.
[22:17] Cyanide A5: still, you shouldnt jump to conclutions
[22:17] Ashlee: i know thats just me sometimes though, idk, it was really different with you too
[22:17] Ashlee: i dont know how to explain it
[22:18] Cyanide A5: sure ya do
[22:18] Ashlee: no this time im completely serious i dont know how to explain it
[22:18] Cyanide A5: alright
[22:21] Ashlee: the only way i can explain it is that it was worse with you than any one else even sean, and everything scared me, everything was worse, it hit me harder for some reason and i dont know y
[22:21] Cyanide A5: Thats fine baby... i understand... :)

the things that me and my boyfriend talk about. I love him!

I’m losing all my friends I only have a few
I’m always getting hurt except from you
You’re the only true friend I have
My feeling for you are stuck inside
I don’t know how to express them to you
Is this love or is it I just really like you
I cant have someone help me
No one understands me the way you do
No one know my body the way you do
No one cares for me the way you do
No one calls me beautiful how you do
I love the way you touch me
I love the way you kiss me
I even love you cute little smartass remarks
I don’t desearve this treatment from you
I always hurt someone I love
I don’t want to hur you
I wish I could be a better girlfriend \
I wish I wouldn’t worry about you when you without me
I know I can trust you and that you wont hurt me
But for some reason its always in the back of my mind
I have a confession to make….
I still have very LITTLE feelings for someone
But as I talk to you more and more
That old love seems to dwindle away very fast
The way you make me feel is so much better, than anyone else
I don’t know how to tell you how I feel
All I know is that sean is no more, and you have replaced him
I wish you could read my mind to know what im thinking
I thank you for being there for me, for always cheering me up when im sad
Thanks babe, I’ll try to be better

i thought she was my friend
i thought i could trust her
she stabbed me in the back, what a bitch
friend are supposed to be there for you
calm you down when your upset
not date your fucking ex-boyfriend
thats a bitch, shes supposed to be my friend
friends are special, trustworthy, and loyal
this one is a back-stabbing bitch
she's not special, trustworthy, and loyal
she fucking befriends you the tries to kill you
it's not the fact that i still like him
It's the fact that friends arent supposed to date friends exs
She's the last person i thought would do that
but i guess i was wrong
wrong about her being my friend
so this is my last message to you, you backstabbing bitch
i hope he screws you over as much as he screwed me
I hope he hurts you as bad as he hurt me
Have fun! I fucking hate you!
FUCK YOU!

my mind is so fucked up right now
i hate how i hold everything inside
i need to learn how to express myself and my feelings
i need to get a hold of life and get my priorities right
i need learn how to just shut up, when fighting with my mom
i need to just walk away from her and ignore her
i need to get more sleep and get my homework done
i want to be a perfect girlfriend, never fighting with her boyfriend
i want to have the best relationship with no fighting
i need to learn how to get those things, i already have the guy
i need to work on all these aspects in order to live the right way
i've learned how to control my anger and my mind, but i think i control in to much
i need to share my feeling with those whom i love, so i cant stop all the fighting

Im really bored, and i miss my boyfriend, he lives at eastern and im not gonna see him until this weekend. It's really funny though because Guardians lock-in is this friday and i want to go because vicky, bekha, sara, kat and a bunch of other people i hang out with are goin, but nathan doesnt want me to go because he was gonna go to jarets but he cant, and he said he's not gonna sit at home and think about how im there locked-in a church with my ex ian, which he makes a really good point, plus he said he wouldnt come down at all if i went for that reason, no this friday will be 2 weeks of not seeing him, so im not about to take a chance of making that 3 weeks. Vicky imed him and was bitching at him/ trying to convince him to let me go. no success on her part. so i guess im just not gonna go because i rather see him, because im going crazy without him, than go to the lock in, but w/e im indecisive, i have to be up in 15 min. which really doesnt matter seeing how im already up. lol, i havent slept all night im not tired, i slept till 5 today, i got like 3 hrs sleep on monday, because i stay the night at kari's she helped me with my lit analysis, then i had a game tuesday and didnt go to bed until around 12 i was talking to nathan, kyle wilson, and erin, so i didnt go to school yesterday, but w/e i told you this was random, hehe, wow im kinda tired now, oh well, and slap happy, w/e idk. dont mind me im gonna be really wierd in school today. oh ya and tara told me i need to get laid because im bitchy is that true, for all the people that have actually talked to me, at school or on the phone, i dont think i have but w/e. w/e she says. ok im gonna stop typing now before i type another page of bullshit, so ttyl bye